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Our first “letter to the editor”: “WHY I DIDN’T GO TO COOKS FOREST”

As a native of Philadelphia I will hardly be blamed for maintaining a maximum of ignorance as to a definition of “Cooks Forest”. Does one generally run off on excursions to obscure places of which he knows nothing? You might suppose that I could have asked what Cooks Forest was had I really been interested. But you see, I have this thing about asking questions which reveal my ignorance (you might not understand that MY ignorance is cultured). And besides, I am really a novice as far as GAP is concerned–I know so few people and no one ever talks to me at the meetings or shows any interest in what I might think. . .I’m sure you understand. And as though these social obstacles were not enough, there is the factor of time. I am a graduate student at no-mean university, I will have you know and I am writing a thesis don’t-ya-know, and I simply could not afford to waste a whole weekend doing whatever it is that one does at this Cooks Forest. And finally, the sanctuary of my reasons is financial. I haven’t really been eating well lately because my funds are dwindling so fast. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t even buy flowers; how could I afford Cooks Forest? These are my reasons for contributing to the abortion of the Cooks Forest Outing. I’ll bet yours wern’t half as good!

David T. Melcher