In the years leading up to 2020, the concept of polyamory was gaining some popularity. Having multiple partners was not only being more widely accepted, it was in some ways encouraged. Then, of course, COVID-19 came along and ruined that party for everyone. Thankfully, sex as we know it did not come to an end for everyone. If you were lucky enough to have been “boo’d up” when the pandemic started or if you found love or lust in that hopeless place, at this point you may be looking for a way to change things up in the bedroom. Well, before you go looking for any guest stars or even a new co-star in your love story, let me remind you that WE ARE STILL IN A PANDEMIC, so now may not be the time to invite someone new into the picture. Do not despair, though, my friends. Though you may have fallen into a sort of sexual rut in the past year, changing things up even in the slightest way can bring new excitement into your sex life. The key is to not be afraid of change or of stepping out of your comfort zone.
Let’s explore, shall we?
Start Small!
After a year of restrictions, many of us have developed a daily routine. That daily routine may or may not include putting on real pants. To put it plainly, we’ve all gotten very comfortable and that includes getting comfortable with our partners. It’s likely that you’ve stopped trying to impress or surprise your partner. Well, the truth is it’s rather easy to engage your partner in a different way.
Send a spontaneous, suggestive text to your partner in the middle of the day when they aren’t around you to get their juices flowing. Get them thinking about a rendezvous way before they get home so when they do return, they’re ready and raring to go. Something that simple can bring instant excitement!
Talk To Your Partner!
Oh, the horror! You already spend so much time together. It’s just easier to sit in silence and watch TV and then maybe you’ll bump hips later before falling asleep, right? Wrong. Think about it. There’s some fantasy lying dormant in your brain right now that your partner has no clue about. Guess what? They probably have at least one fantasy in their head that you don’t know about either. So share those fantasies with each other. Just talking about your fantasies can turn you both on, so imagine what trying your fantasies out can do! Also, there may be a kink or fetish that piques your or your partner’s interests. Discuss those as well and be careful not to yuck someone’s yum. If a possible kink or fetish isn’t a hard no for you or your partner, give it a test run. You may discover something new that you love! You never know!
Explore Your World!
Most people keep their sex lives strictly in their bedrooms. There’s nothing wrong with that but there is also nothing wrong with having sex in other places either. Yes, it is illegal to have sex in some places but not in your own shower. Or you can turn up the heat in your own kitchen. Try to get it in during a commercial break in the living room. If you want to respect your roommates and have the means, look into getting a hotel room or an AirBnB. Switching your environment can be enough to stoke your fire, so I definitely suggest looking into it!
Instead Of Finding Someone Else, Be Someone Else!
Playing pretend isn’t just for kids, y’all. Think up a scenario with your partner where you aren’t yourselves. Boss and employee. Complete strangers having a one night stand. Two lovers who are both cheating on their own partners. A celebrity and adoring fan. The possibilities are endless! It may feel silly at first but if you both let yourselves really go there, the excitement could go off the charts!
Introduce New Elements!
There is a plethora of things that you can integrate into your sex life that could increase the spark between you and your partner. Try talking dirty to your partner. Say things you never thought you’d utter–keeping it respectful, of course! Or not! Your choice! Read erotica to each other. Watch porn together. Take suggestions from that porn and try new positions. Purchase a new toy that you can use on each other or one that you can use together at the same time! Adding something new can actually renew the attraction between you and your partner!
You may be bored now but you do not have to stay bored. Some simple exploration can open up so many new horizons in your love life. The best part is it really doesn’t have to cost you a thing. Just put one foot out of your comfort zone. Explore yourselves in a healthy way. Be brave. Be bold.
Stay safe and stay sexy!
Sex is a monthly sex positive column written by various authors covering all subjects of sex and sexuality affecting the LGBTQ Community. Sex is published as part of QWellness, presented by Central Outreach Wellness Center and QBurgh.