Sex: Making The Most Of Yourself

I truly believe it was to our detriment that most of us grew up thinking that masturbation is something to be ashamed of. Think about it. We weren’t educated about it. It wasn’t spoken of and if it was, it was usually in jest. The truth of the matter is that masturbation is really a gift. Not only is it a stress reliever and downright fun but it is also a pathway to a happy, healthy sex life. No one’s sexual preferences are the same as anybody else’s. We all have our own unique set of turn-ons and turn-offs.  Masturbating is how we learn what ours are. Being in tune with yourself and your likes and dislikes will lead to better sexual experiences, both solo and partnered. Changing your approach to masturbation will benefit you in the long run and here are a few tips to help you do just that:

Look, Listen and Learn About Yourself

Your body is yours and yours alone. It is unique. It is intricate. It is beautiful. And it was wonderfully made. Get to know it on a more intimate level. First off, look at your body. It’s there for your admiration. Take the time to truly see yourself and to appreciate everything that you see.

Your body also sends you messages. It always has. Be honest: have you listened to those messages or have you ignored them? You should pay attention to everything that arouses you–and I mean EVERYTHING. Be aware of all of the sights, sounds, scents, sensations and ideas that make your genitals tingle and make note of them. Then don’t be afraid to explore them later.

Curate Your Stimuli

And here is where the exploration begins. Now that you’ve listened to your body’s messages about what turns it on, seek those things out. Read erotica. Watch porn. Fantasize. Write your fantasies down and then read them again at a later time. Find the scents that you like and put them in your environment when you masturbate. Listen to music that makes you feel sensual. Do all that you can to make masturbating feel like a total experience and not simply a chore.

Take Your Time!!

Because of the stigma surrounding masturbation, it is not usually something people spend a lot of time doing. It’s seen as something you do quickly to blow off some steam and feel better. But you’re cheating yourself if you approach it with that mindset. So slow down. Explore your body. Touch all that you can and take notice of what feels good in places other than your genitals. Then keep touching those other body parts, both alone and in conjunction with touching your genitals. Let the sensations build over time. Really allow yourself to not only enjoy it but to enjoy it for as long as you can. Make pleasure your mission, but keep in mind that orgasms are only a small part of pleasure.

Change It Up

As humans, we are always evolving. There are things you like now that you didn’t used to enjoy and vice versa. This is also true of your sexual tastes. Do not be afraid to adjust accordingly. Again, your body will send you these messages. Listen to them. But also, vary your masturbation techniques. Do you usually lay down when you masturbate? Switch it up and try it standing up! Throw a toy into the mix. Hell, throw a few toys into the mix! Variety is the spice of life and who doesn’t want a spicy sex life?

Masturbation is not a four-letter word. It is not dirty. It is not shameful. It is not taboo. Get those ideas out of your head. When you want to be skilled at something, what do you do? You PRACTICE! And that is exactly what masturbation is: a PRACTICE. Approach it wholeheartedly and use it as a tool to explore your sexuality. You will definitely notice the change in the quality of your sexual experiences. Like I said earlier, masturbation is a gift. Appreciate it for all it’s worth.

Jason Shavers is a born and raised Pittsburgh native. He is an actor that has worked extensively on stage and not so extensively on screen. Jason is also a self proclaimed expert on RuPaul’s Drag Race, Musical Theater and sitcoms that feature 4 women leads. Yeah, he’s gay AF. Follow him on Instagram. (He / Him / His)