Queer culture comes in many forms and provides many adventures and misadventures for those exploring and figuring it all out. “John” provides one such tale:
We’ve all been there. The hookup horror story: maybe he didn’t look like his picture, maybe he had a roommate that just wouldn’t leave, maybe he was…unwashed. I, too, have some stories to share.
The scene: A young, bisexual man fresh out of a straight-presenting relationship that ended on less than stellar terms. Being young and dumb and full of…, the time was right to see what the world had to offer.
Though I had accepted for some time now that I was attracted to men (Sorry for the bad news Catholic, thirteen-year-old me), I hadn’t done much to pursue that side of myself. Up to this point, aside from a few one-off dates, my, admittedly limited, experience dating, and flirting was with women.
Being a student at the time, I typically tried to keep my meetups to campus, which worked ok, if you could find anyone. The available population was somewhat limited at my small, slightly religious university. Not only this, I was already friends with most of the available population and I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like to mix friendship with business. Too messy. So, it was into the wider world I went.
Grindr soon found its way onto my phone. Wading through the sea of unwanted, and frankly, unimpressive (lighting is important people!) pictures and uninspiring “hey”s, a few worthwhile conversations floated to the top. Some conversations led to meetups, others to disappointment, and some had a two-for-one special and provided meetups and disappointment.
One such conversation turned meetup turned disappointment stands out above some of the others.
It started out promising: the picture on his profile was very attractive and he messaged me first! Honestly, what more could you ask for? The conversation went well. I found out that this toned torso was a traveling businessman and was staying at a hotel downtown that was a well-known destination for those “in the know.” And if you know, you know.
Before heading out, I was sure to let a close friend of mine, whom I was in a friendly rivalry with to see who could meet with more people, know that I would be meeting up with a total stranger and to let the police know if I was murdered. Standard procedure that I’d encourage even the most seasoned among us to follow. QBurgh has some tips on how to keep yourself safe when going out.
I arrived at the hotel and was instructed to wait in the lobby bathroom, third stall, and Mr. Business Torso would be in to see me shortly. A true businessman, scheduling his casual encounters as one would a lunch with a client. I did as instructed and messaged that I was ready.
Some minutes passed.
“I’ll be down shortly”
“It’s a good thing I have nothing, and no one, better to do,” I thought.
And I waited. And waited. After several minutes passed, it seemed a follow-up message was in order.
“Will you be down soon?”
Several more minutes pass. I get waiting to reply so you don’t come across as clingy, but this really wasn’t the time.
“Sorry, on my way.”
Finally! Surely waiting all this time in a hotel bathroom would be worth it. The moment would soon be upon me. Except it wasn’t.
The waiting game continued. At some point, I even asked if I could just go up to the room. Naturally, the answer was no, his business partner was there. Of course. Not trying to say the “business partner” he was so coy about and reluctant to ask to leave the room was his wife, but…I’ll let you do the math.
At this point, I was about ready to throw in the towel. But suddenly, I noticed someone in the stall next to me. Someone very friendly.
They cheerfully invited me to join them, instead. Now, the more adventurous among us may have wanted me to shrug my shoulders, say “Why waste the trip?” and go for it. Sorry to disappoint, or relieve the more cautiously minded, but I politely declined.
Meekly, I apologized to my neighbor, explaining that I had come for someone else who was, unfortunately, a no-show. Despite some light encouragement from the man next door, I called the whole thing a wash and went home.
Sure, spending close to an hour hiding in a hotel bathroom waiting for a probably married man wasn’t exactly how I planned to spend a weekend afternoon, but hey, I didn’t die; and when meeting random people from the Internet, that’s always a win.