I wish I had someone around like me when I was younger.
I remember being in 6th grade and the teachers separating the boys and the girls into different rooms to talk about “sex.” For us girls it was more like tampons, periods, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Not sex, not pleasure, and certainly not inclusive. I am not sure what the boys discussed and I didn’t ask. All I remember was that it was super awkward when they walked back into the room. It was vague and it definitely didn’t prepare me for real life sex. My “sex talk” (if you would call it that) in my very conservative, Catholic household, was an anatomy book handed to me by my mother when I was in 8th grade.
I was naive and uneducated about sex up until I took a “Human Sexuality” course in college and wow, were my eyes were opened! I realized quickly that I needed to learn and educate myself. I attended seminars and workshops. I read books and learned from experience. I started a website and hosted in-home events. It was fun for a while, but I had a deeper desire to educate. It was my mentor, sexologist Dr. Jill McDevitt, who inspired me to create the fun, interactive classes which I’m teaching today.
I’m now that friend that all of my friends go to when they have questions.
Human sexuality is a studied science, just like all other sciences that might come to mind. It’s a science that has to combat ancient ideology, beliefs, religion, and personal thoughts that oppose what has since been proven. Sexology science and education is all encompassing. Much of the sex education we receive simply educates us on periods, condoms, and diseases. No discussion about pleasure or feelings. Many people believe this kind of education should be taught at home, however, many parents and guardians don’t feel comfortable discussing these things or answering the questions their children are asking. This could be for a number of reasons. However, if a child is asking questions, they are more than likely hearing about it and are curious. It is always best to answer their questions to the best of your ability or send them to someone who can.
Headlines demonstrate almost on a daily basis that today’s society is seriously lacking in sex education, sexuality education and adult education of the like. Sex education is more than just talking about intercourse and STIs. It encompasses thoughts, feelings, consent, self-control, anatomy, and pleasure among others. Humans are sexual beings and we have been since the beginning of time. Relationships are important whether they are intimate or platonic, and as humans we need both of these types of relationships to grow and flourish in life. Enthusiastic, ongoing consent is key in having a successful, pleasurable sexual relationship.
We talk very frequently about sex in a negative way when we should be discussing it in a positive and pleasurable light. Our minds, bodies and feelings are intricate, and we are just now scratching the surface when it comes to studies of the sexual human.
Now more than ever it is important not only to educate ourselves, but also the generations that are coming behind us. We live in such a sex-obsessed country. We hear and see sex in the movies, music, television shows, and in our daily lives, but we are never allowed to talk about it in its entirety.
“The first step is learning to see our own kids’ sexuality as a necessary and normal part of the human lifespan from birth to death. We are born with bodies, emotions and desires—including sexual desires,” said sexuality educator Al Vernacchio. Lately, it seems as though all we have been hearing about is sex painted negatively and shame-filled. With our own President having sexual assault allegations against him, and extra marital affairs all throughout the news, our children deserve to have access to inclusive, open knowledge so they can do better.
Sexual knowledge is power, protection, and pleasure. When we can openly discuss sexuality, it will make the world a better place for all. Unbiased and shameless education is wanted and very much needed. Discussing sex, sexuality, and gender will open the door to liberation and understanding of which many of us are in need. Humans are more complex than we would like to think, and we all can’t fit it into just one or two boxes. By having and acknowledging all different types of humans we can help to decrease bullying, suicide, and violence, while increasing body positivity and selflove. If one has an open-minded, shame-free view of sex, it can liberate and make sex so much more enjoyable. Sex should be fun, consensual, and pleasurable. If your partner doesn’t agree then they don’t care about you. As humans we need to be more understanding and accepting, and less judgmental. And I believe that sexual liberation in knowledge can assist in accomplishing this.
Love is love!
