The 12 Days of Christmas

(A Sing along just for us girls.)

On the first day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: A pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.

On the second day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.

On the third day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 3 organic omelets (from free-range chickens, of course) 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.

On the fourth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 4 male-on-male porn DVDs (because what lesbian doesn’t love that?!) 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.

On the fifth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts (‘cause she clearly thought I was someone else), 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.



On the sixth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me:  6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.

On the seventh day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 7 mini bottles of tequila that we’ll be chuggin’ (the day she finally meets my family), 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.

On the eighth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: an 8 candle-lit Menorah (to remind me that she’s Jewish), 7 mini bottles of tequila that we’ll be chuggin’, 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.

On the ninth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 9 shiny things called tools, an 8 candle-lit Menorah, 7 mini bottles of tequila that we’ll be chuggin’, 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.

On the tenth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 10 accusations, followed by a drawn out conversation…because we found out we shared an ex, 9 shiny things called tools, an 8 candle-lit Menorah, 7 mini bottles of tequila that we’ll be chuggin’, 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 11 pounds of fresh guacamole to make up for an argument that was unruly, 10 accusations, followed by a drawn out conversation…because we found out we shared an ex, 9 shiny things called tools, an 8 candle-lit Menorah, 7 mini bottles of tequila that we’ll be chuggin’, 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me:  A 2nd date and 12 minutes to pack for our wedding in DC (‘cause she realized how awesome I am when medicated), 11 pounds of fresh guacamole to make up for an argument that was unruly, 10 accusations, followed by a drawn out conversation…because we found out we shared an ex, 9 shiny things called tools, an 8 candle-lit Menorah, 7 mini bottles of tequila that we’ll be chuggin’, 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.

THE END

WAIT…

Why are there so many days of Christmas?  Nobody was actually married as a result of this song.  Good luck singing “the twelfth day of Christmas” if you have a lisp… Happy Holidays!!

Members of the LGBTQ+ community at Duquesne University were concerned and fearful after a photo began circulating the student body that many initially, and inaccurately, interpreted to depict Duquesne President Ken Gormley at a Trump-hosted inauguration event for his biggest supporters. Full article link in bio. ...

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This Valentine’s, the Harris Theater presents a most romantic one-night-only affair! 🌹 Legendary director Jean Cocteau brings an otherworldly eye for fantasy & fairytales to the beloved story which champions the power of love & seeking the man beneath the monster. Bring your lover to this radiant screening and indulge in the delights of a free chocolate rose included with your ticket and free BYOB for the film! 🍾🙌 Details on “Beauty and the Beast” at link in bio or TrustArts.org/Film — your popcorn awaits. 🍿 ...

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Chrissy Costa is a local comedian known for her dry wit, satirical style of comedy, and big earrings. Before doing stand-up she studied sketch comedy at Chicago’s famed Second City. You can follow her on Instragram and Facebook. (She / Her / Hers)