(A Sing along just for us girls.)
On the first day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: A pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.
On the second day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.
On the third day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 3 organic omelets (from free-range chickens, of course) 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.
On the fourth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 4 male-on-male porn DVDs (because what lesbian doesn’t love that?!) 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.
On the fifth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts (‘cause she clearly thought I was someone else), 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.
On the sixth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.
On the seventh day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 7 mini bottles of tequila that we’ll be chuggin’ (the day she finally meets my family), 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.
On the eighth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: an 8 candle-lit Menorah (to remind me that she’s Jewish), 7 mini bottles of tequila that we’ll be chuggin’, 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.
On the ninth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 9 shiny things called tools, an 8 candle-lit Menorah, 7 mini bottles of tequila that we’ll be chuggin’, 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.
On the tenth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 10 accusations, followed by a drawn out conversation…because we found out we shared an ex, 9 shiny things called tools, an 8 candle-lit Menorah, 7 mini bottles of tequila that we’ll be chuggin’, 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: 11 pounds of fresh guacamole to make up for an argument that was unruly, 10 accusations, followed by a drawn out conversation…because we found out we shared an ex, 9 shiny things called tools, an 8 candle-lit Menorah, 7 mini bottles of tequila that we’ll be chuggin’, 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my lesbian lover gave to me: A 2nd date and 12 minutes to pack for our wedding in DC (‘cause she realized how awesome I am when medicated), 11 pounds of fresh guacamole to make up for an argument that was unruly, 10 accusations, followed by a drawn out conversation…because we found out we shared an ex, 9 shiny things called tools, an 8 candle-lit Menorah, 7 mini bottles of tequila that we’ll be chuggin’, 6 pictures of her cat in a Santa hat under a tree, 5 fuzzy sweaters with attached belts, 4 male-on-male porn DVDs, 3 organic omelets, 2 tickets to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a pair of camo pants wrapped in loose leaf tea.
THE END
WAIT…
Why are there so many days of Christmas? Nobody was actually married as a result of this song. Good luck singing “the twelfth day of Christmas” if you have a lisp… Happy Holidays!!
