We don’t know how to talk about sex. In 2024, we legitimately do not know how to talk about sex without salaciousness and judgment. Years after the sexual revolution, failed government policy and a far-right regressive movement have ensured the mainstream cannot talk about sex, which also means it is unable to adequately discuss sexual violence.
This is always laid bare anytime there is a sexual scandal involving a celebrity or person of notoriety. So much of the focus is not on the allegations themselves but on whether or not people deserve such violence based on how the media describes the acts and the innocence of the victims. In essence, we have learned nothing from the #MeToo Movement
This is because we do not talk about sex correctly. We rarely, if ever, discuss affirmative consent, bodily autonomy, and sexual pleasure in holistic ways. We still demonize and vilify those who engage in sexual and consensual LGBT behaviors, so it’s not unfathomable that this vilification of sexual behavior makes it uncomfortable and sometimes impossible to educate people on consent and boundaries, much less inform the media on how to properly discuss sex and sexuality in a public setting.
Earlier this year, Pennsylvania Senators Casey and Fetterman withheld their support for the expansion of the LGBT center in Philadelphia after a far-right social media influencer shared photos of a bondage event that was allegedly held in the space. Because they were uncomfortable with defending the rights of queer adults to engage in consensual behavior, they not only pulled their support for the funding but refused to defend the center and their important community work when it mattered the most.
It’s situations like these that create the need for people to have sexually affirming communities, places where they can safely experience themselves and practice their desires. But it is also a reality that doing so leaves them open to attack and exploitation. Whether it is a congressman going to a sex club or an entertainer hosting swinger parties, or a gubernatorial candidate watching transgender porn, the way we depict consensual sexual behavior amongst adults is similar to how we also depict sexual violence and accusations.
This inability to properly discuss sex and sexuality means so many people do not properly learn consent, which may lead to unnecessarily violent encounters. Many schools across the United States no longer offer sexual education and there are thousands of individuals who have no idea how to protect themselves or what no actually means. In some instances, colleges and universities are requiring sex education during orientation because they realize the danger of having a student body not aware of body autonomy and consent.
Yet, if you recently looked through social media or listen to podcasts, you will find people falsely accusing individuals of being victims or participants to falsely imply entertainers are gay and taking the recent allegations of sexual violence as fodder for jokes. Instead of focusing on the violent accusations people are questioning the sordid details as inferences of perverse sexual desires to justify their bigotry and hate for queer bodies.
And it’s not just the media, it’s also the way the Assistant US Attorney (AUSA) disclosed the details of the Combs home and the findings of baby oil and lubricant was to weaponize homophobia as a part of the public humiliation campaign. These types of tactics that prey on people’s vulnerabilities for fear of being outed as queer or gay are also deadly and in themselves violent. In fact, sexual violence is not about sexual attraction but domination and power. It is about the ability to exercise control over another being’s body. This is why our inability to properly and accurately discuss sex and sexuality means sexual violence will continue to be a fabric of our society.