In the wake of Turning Point USA founder and white supremacist Charlie Kirk’s murder, a lot of people are calling for civility. Specifically, civility from “the left.”
And look, I prefer it when people are civil to each other. It makes life easier for everyone involved. For example, I am very grateful that in the years following their divorce, my parents were, by and large, civil to each other. They still had kids to raise together, after all. It was definitely a preferable situation to some of the divorce horror stories I’ve heard.
But all too often and for far too many people, “civility” is a costume. It’s used to disguise messages of hatred and dehumanization — the very messages that Kirk made his living disseminating. He spent his career demonizing people he saw as inferior. LGBTQ+ people (especially transgender people), women and Black and brown people were favorite targets.
So when people reverently praise Charlie Kirk’s civility, what they’re really praising is his ability to dress up hate mongering and make it look respectable — mainstream, even.
A man with a bullhorn at a Pride event screaming that gays are going to hell? Uncivil. Charlie Kirk saying on his podcast that stoning gays is “God’s perfect plan”? Civil.
A man wearing a white hood calling Black women stupid? Uncivil. Charlie Kirk saying that Black women “do not have the brain processing power” to be taken seriously? Civil.
Holding a sign at a March for Our Lives event that says, “My guns are more important than your kids?” Uncivil. Charlie Kirk saying that “gun deaths every single year” are “worth it” so we can have the Second Amendment?” Civil.
Did Kirk have a right to his opinions? Yes. Did he have a right to express them? Yes.
But to claim that Kirk was some kind of paragon of free speech devoted to the free exchange of ideas is simply false. Sure, he invited debate. He was, in fact, under a tent that said “debate me” when he was killed.
But he did not invite a dialog. He did not listen. Not in a meaningful way. He did not seek to understand where other people were coming from. Debate, for Kirk, was a game of one-upsmanship. He was exceptionally good at interjecting and interrupting to dominate any and all exchanges. It was, in fact, the very thing he was doing when he was killed. He was interrupting the person “debating” him to control the narrative.
It was something that a lot of people liked about Kirk. He was very alpha in his approach to “debate.” It’s something that a lot of people like about Trump, too. The posturing, the belittling, the proud lack of empathy with an emphasis on cruelty. It’s a type of masculinity that is, sadly, highly valued in American culture.
It’s often called “toxic” masculinity. I, personally, find it abhorrent. In a culture where toxic masculinity rules — and in this moment, it absolutely does — there’s a winner-take-all attitude toward the things we all need to participate in that whole “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness” thing. Under toxic masculinity rule, there is no need to take care of the most vulnerable among us. Because they are getting exactly what they deserve. Which is nothing.
Many of the calls for civility on the left were in response to schadenfreude on the internet. Like I said, his life’s work was dedicated to the misery of others. A lot of jokes were made about Kirk’s death because, frankly, a lot of people weren’t sad to see him gone. That said, Kirk had the ear of the president not to mention a platform that could reach millions of people. The people making jokes on the internet had, well, jokes.
I love to make jokes. Have made many a joke in this very column at the expense of people who have way more power and reach than I ever will.
But I don’t find anything funny about someone being shot and killed in front of a huge group of mostly college kids. I have no love for Kirk and he’s no doubt been the subject of this column over the years, but what happened to him was sick and unjustifiable.
As I write this, I don’t know much about the person who murdered Kirk. All I know is that we live in a country where guns are plentiful and easily obtainable and violence is glorified (I mean, the Trump Administration wanting to change the name of the Defense Department the Department of War is but one recent example). It sucks for the majority of people.
This is not a sustainable way of life. It certainly doesn’t bode well for the future. As a country we must, to borrow the words of the late David Lynch, fix our hearts or die.
