I’m a girl, raised in the south. And I’m a lesbian.
I moved to Pittsburgh almost five years ago. I was born and raised in a small redneck town in Georgia, just within the metro Atlanta area. Being out in that area was, to put it mildly, difficult and dangerous. This past year I turned 34, and marked 20 years of being openly gay.
I came out initially in 1992, at the age of 14. I was a freshman in high school, and I knew that I lived in a podunk, fairly bigoted town. When I came out, things were not so safe. I realized the risk, and decided that being honest was worth the danger.
My life was my own personal hell, but I dealt with it best I could, and tried to never burden those I cared about. I got into a lot of fights. I was hurt in more ways than one. I was bullied for being gay. It seemed like no one understood gay bullying in the early ‘90s, so even when I tried to explain it to counselors, I got nowhere. During my junior and senior years, I finally became more comfortable with myself and my sexuality. I found friends who were like me, but, at the time, were still very much in the closet. In private, we had a kinship. And that was important.
COMING OUT WAS THE BEST THING THAT I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE. I MAY HAVE SUFFERED HARDSHIPS, RIDICULE AND EVEN SOME PHYSICAL ANIMOSITY, BUT THIS IS WHO I AM, AND NOTHING WOULD PUT ME BACK IN THAT CLOSET.
One night, I saw a young gay man beat to death outside of a gay club. And the police did nothing. From that night on I tried to walk in groups, and to this day, I always carry a picture ID — a paranoid move, just in case something happens, I can be identified.
I still struggle, even 20 years later. I still have family that shuns me. And in moving to Western Pennsylvania, which I honestly thought would be easier than living in redneck country, I sometimes feel worse. I seem to have as much trouble here, if not more, than I did below the Mason-Dixon. Living in Pittsburgh has taught me to grow where I’m planted: to make new friends, new allies, and to thrive, no matter where I might be.
Coming out was the best thing that I have ever done in my life. I may have suffered hardships, ridicule and even some physical animosity, but this is who I am, and nothing would put me back in that closet. I know it sounds trite, but it does get better. It gets a lot better, and a lot easier. You grow in support, and you make friends. Being out does not have to be a political statement, it just means being true to yourself. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the best feeling in the world.
