Growing up, my brother and I loved to watch the sitcom – Golden Girls. The late actress Estelle Getty portrayed Sophia Petrillo, my favorite character. Prior to telling any story she would start it with the words “Picture it, Sicily” and followed that typically with the date back in time and a story that would make you laugh. Well, I’d like to take you back in time and tell you a real life story with a happy ending. “Picture it, Pittsburgh, December 2005”
My brother Chris and his boyfriend Ken were in town from California for the holidays. They met in April of 2003, just eight months after he moved to California and revealed to me that he is gay. I remember he called one evening and said “Lisa, we have to talk. I have a problem.” I asked what it was and he said “I’m gay.” My answer was “So, what’s the problem?” And he broke down into tears.
During a trip to Pittsburgh, we had dinner one evening and decided to take Ken to Mt. Washington so that he could see the city from the infamous view…the place where my husband proposed to me and that evening, the place that the love of my brother’s life proposed to him. We were both proposed to at the very same place, yet our journeys to the altar would be significantly different. I was married in a traditional wedding ceremony to my husband in August of 2002. Friends and family surrounded us, a church wedding, and a large wedding party. My brother wanted the same thing – so why shouldn’t he have it? Why couldn’t he have it?
Ken and Chris began planning the only thing they could have, a commitment ceremony scheduled for August of 2007. I was to be the “best person” for my brother; however surprisingly I learned that I was pregnant with my second child due in–you guessed it–August of 2007. I wouldn’t be able to attend. I was filled with joy about the baby and at the same time felt that I ruined what my brother had planned. He said he could not go through with a huge ceremony without me there. So in three days’ time, they planned an event in their backyard, with a limited number of family and friends present ,and were committed to one another on December 26, 2006. Love, commitment, just like the “rest of us”– however not equal under the law. It angered me that they did not have the same rights as heterosexual couples.
There was a glimmer of hope the following year when California became one of the few states to allow same-sex marriage. This time, they wanted to plan a real wedding. Then, Prop 8 reared its ugly head. My “brother in law” had hope that it wouldn’t prevail but he was wrong. We were all heart-broken and in disbelief.
There was no question that it would eventually be decided by the Supreme Court. In November of 2012, my husband, our two sons, and I flew to California and spent the week with my brother and “brother in law” for the Thanksgiving holiday. As always, my brother and I had long talks and I told him – this will happen in your lifetime and it will happen soon. You will be able to get legally married. You could tell he felt defeated and he told me “I really don’t think it will happen.”
Well, this big sister loves to tell her little brother “I told you so” and in June I was thrilled when DOMA was ruled unconstitutional and Prop 8 was not upheld. While my brother and Ken longed for the perfect wedding ceremony, my advice to them was simply – “go get married”! And they did. On the morning of July 1, 2013, with their good friends Elita and Ryan, and Ken’s sister Nadine present, my brother Christopher Persky and my brother in law (no need for quotation marks anymore although he always was in my heart), Ken Bencomo, were married in a humble ceremony. What took YEARS now only took an hours’ time to obtain a license and get married. It was the best day of their lives and it gives me great peace to know that my brother and Ken are equal in the eyes of the law – at least in California.
When I posted on my Facebook page that my brother finally married the most wonderful man it was the most comments and likes I had ever received on a post. I was so pleased to see that there are so many people here in support of equality for everyone. Naturally, and I say naturally because it is and should be for everyone, my family was very pleased – parents, siblings – you name it. Explaining it to my children is a different story as they are young and don’t fully understand the concept of marriage. I said “Boys, Uncle Chris got married the other day”. They looked at me and said “Really? To who Mom?” I said “To Uncle Ken.” My five year old said “Oh, cool” and started singing the song on the radio”. My eight year old looked at me inquisitively but yet didn’t ask a question. He only said “I love Uncle Ken” and then went about what he was doing.
As my brother does, I pray that this story gives hope to those who are not confident that change will come their way. “Picture it, in the not so distant future, this will be you”. Love and peace to all.
