It’s no secret that dating is hard. Whether you are currently single, inundated with dating horror stories online, or listening to a friend’s description of a wild night out, it’s clear that few people are having fun putting themselves out there. Research shows that compared to previous generations, young single people today are facing a unique set of problems affecting their dating lives.
For one, America has a loneliness epidemic. A 2023 report from the U.S. General Surgeon found that more people were spending far less time together than two decades ago. This was most pronounced for people aged 15-24, who had 70% less social interaction with their friends.
While people aren’t hanging out with each other, there is also the very real problem of dating app fatigue. In a Forbes study, 78% of users said the apps left them emotionally or physically drained.
Despite these nationwide trends, here in Pittsburgh, Josh Butcher, a queer creative and community builder, is trying to reimagine what connection and vulnerability can look like beyond swipes.
Butcher is the host and producer of Make Out Club, a queer-inclusive, contemporary take on traditional speed dating. While romance is always welcome, it’s not the end goal. Butcher wants attendees to form all types of connections by embracing a bit of discomfort.
“I want Make Out Club to be a good place for people to practice and challenge themselves, to say yes to whatever… but I also think that it’s a good space to practice like rejection, both rejecting and being rejected,” Butcher said.
For Butcher, practicing rejection is about building resilience and developing better communication skills. Instead of blocking someone on an app or ghosting them, Butcher wants Make Out Club to be a safe environment where people can say “no” with care and without shame.
“Phones make it super easy, because you can just block someone or ghost someone… what a perfect place [Make Out Club] to practice, like, ‘Hey, great talking to you… I hope you have a really lovely rest of the night’… some people don’t know how to do that,” Butcher said.
Back in 2023, Mixtape, a cocktail and mocktail lounge, originally approached Butcher with the idea for Make Out Club. The owners had met him while he was working as a barista at the now-closed Kickback Pinball Cafe in Lawrenceville, where he hosted queer pinball nights and occasionally worked the door at Mixtape. Impressed by his energy, they pitched him the concept.
“I love flirting…so I think that they just kind of were like, oh, Make Out Club sounds very Josh coded,” Butcher said.
Having celebrated their second anniversary last December, Butcher and his co-host for the night, Emma Hasco, traded the usual rapid-fire awkwardness for a more relaxed and engaging atmosphere. Attendees from all different backgrounds, sexual identities, and gender expressions are encouraged to mingle at their own pace, occasionally breaking into small, intimate groups to tackle thought-provoking prompts meant to spark curiosity and connection.
“I don’t think that Make Out Club is something that should be modeled, that everyone must like it, because I think that that isn’t possible. And I think, like, what a lovely way to take the pressure off… you’re not surrounded by, like, potential suitors,” Butcher said.
Butcher favors a hands-off approach, wanting participants to find their own rhythm. Still, he admits that even the name, Make Out Club, can catch people off guard, but that playful sense of what could happen is part of what keeps the night fun.
“It’s like, oh, you’re confused? Let’s see how you keep your cool. You know, you’re at kissy, kissy night…I appreciate a somewhat percentage of uncertainty, confusion, not directly being told what’s going on because that is life,” Butcher said.
On this particular night, that looseness seemed to be working as people were striking up conversations with strangers.
Jeromy, a guest who happened to be at Mixtape but decided to stay for Make Out Club, said, “The apps end up more or less not really conducive for actual relationships… so I was interested here [Make Out Club], where it was open to interpretation. So if you want to meet people for a relationship, you can meet people for a relationship. You want to meet friends, you can meet friends. So I was like, all right, that sounds kind of cool.”
As a gay man, Butcher also understands that mixing queer spaces with men, women, and non-binary people can feel intimidating and are few and far between. He hopes Make Out Club eases those anxieties
“Everything’s random, as in there is not a note of hey you’re a boy, and you’re a girl, so you guys talk to each other…I love when straight boys and lesbians end up cutting it up,” Butcher said.
Butcher has many ideas and hopes for Make Out Club, now held at Field Day, a creative coworking space in Lawrenceville. He hopes it grows into a large dating network, partnering with local venues to create guides for those seeking connection.
However it evolves, Butcher’s goal is to create a space where people can show up for themselves and others, and to make sure everyone who comes feels comfortable in how they present themselves, regardless of gender, sexuality, and age.
“I bill Make Out Club as 21 to 99 [age] … if your grandma wants to come to Make Out Club, she should go,’ Butcher said.
The next Make Out Club is Thursday, February 19, 2026.