Kate Passarelli remembers the moment her four-year-old son realized there were other kids like him with two moms.
He was telling her about how he liked playing with another boy he met while they were visiting with other children and parents through the group Families Like Ours (FLO).
“One day we were talking in the car and it’s almost like a light bulb went off,” she says, and her son told her, “He’s just like me.”
Families Like Ours is a group for Pittsburgh LGBT parents and their children that began years ago through an online forum.
I’M HOPEFUL WE’RE INVESTING IN HER SELF-ESTEEM AND PREPARING HER FOR ANY PUSHBACK SHE MIGHT GET AS THE CHILD OF GAY PARENTS.
With about 40 active members and 20 to 30 children, FLO attracts parents and children of all kinds, Kate says.
“People might come for different reasons, but everybody gets something out of it,” she says. “To me, it’s a safe place for my kids, where they’re the ‘normal’ ones … It’s introduced my kids to a lot of different types of families.”
A divorced mother of two boys, ages 6 and 4, Kate, 32, of Brighton Heights, says families with transgender parents, bisexual parents, biological kids, adopted kids, two moms, two dads, or parents who are single by choice, are all a part of the group.
Usually once per month, FLO meets for a get-together like a potluck, softball game, pool party, parents’ night or camping trip.
“We just feel like we have a place we can come and belong,” she says. “Chances are there is going to be somebody in the group you can relate to.”
David Murray, 46, of Schenley Heights and his partner joined FLO about five years ago after adopting a baby girl, who is now six years old.
“It was just really cool to connect with these people who had different experiences, but were gay parents,” he says.
As his daughter gets older, David says he hopes she can use these early experience with Families Like Ours to give her confidence as she grow up.
“I’m hopeful we’re investing in her esteem and preparing her for any pushback she might get as the child of gay parents,” he says.
As a parent, Kate says she felt isolated without other LGBT friends to relate to things like finding a gay-friendly pediatrician or helping kids feel comfortable talking about their families.
“We’re just hanging out as a group of friends that have something in common,” Kate says, which she found helpful as many of her other gay friends were “still doing the bar scene,” but she couldn’t with kids in tow.
Members of FLO marched in their third Pittsburgh Pride March in June with parents and children of all ages.
David says he enjoys including his daughter in the experience, especially since the crowd reacts a little differently to gay families.
“The tenor changes when you see a bunch of kids” going by, he says. “Our kids love participating in the march.”
Kate says the main way the group communicates now is via a closed Facebook group. Anyone interested in joining is screened, however, for the safety of the children.
David says he enjoys the controlled chaos, when FLO events can garner up to 60 or 70 people.
“It’s crazy, but it’s really affirming,” he says.
Another mother told Kate that her eight-year-old was apprehensive about talking to other kids about his two moms before they joined FLO.
“Since the group, he’s proud of his family and he talk to people about his two moms all the time,” she says. Anyone interested in joining Friends Like Ours can contact Kate via email at klpassarelli@gmail.com to be included in the Facebook group for future events
