There I was gathering my things, preparing to leave after a late-night comedy show when I was approached by a pretty girl attempting to hand me a drink. Being a fan of free things, I accepted. We made small talk for a few minutes and I could tell almost instantly that she was a special girl; the kind of girl who shaves above the knees and also behind the thighs for when you know you’ll be seeing each other. So when she slipped me her phone number I knew what I had to do: I went home and “stalked” her Facebook page for three days and then I almost called her. I had the phone to my ear ready to hit the send key, but realized I had no idea what to say to her. I almost never talk to anyone on the phone anymore and if life has taught me anything it’s that the more words I speak, the more trouble I get myself into. So I did what any normal thirty-something girl with good hair would do: I texted her, “’Sup?” As the tiny word left my fingers I cringed. Much to my surprise, however, she quickly responded with a, “What up?” It was if we had our own language and it felt awkward. As some time passed we eventually eased into adult conversation and it wasn’t long before our quick-witted text banter turned into all-day intense lesbian dialogue. She shared intimate stories of her life in great detail and I, just as in school, tried to make her laugh so that she’d like me. The bigger her LOL the better I felt about my life. My heart would skip a beat when I saw her thought bubble come up in our text thread as I anxiously awaited the arrival of her words. We were iPhone compatible! I found comfort in her early “morning babe!” messages even though I had kind of forgotten what she looked like. She must have felt the same because after almost a month she finally asked me out on a date. We met at a cozy little restaurant where we could converse freely. She revealed that she texts me first thing when she wakes up, before she checks her Facebook page. It was so endearing, like the modern day equivalent to making someone breakfast in bed or willingly paying child support. I told her that it was a huge turn on that she could spell and use proper punctuation. At one point I pretended to listen to her ramble on about her job or something and she pretended not to notice me taking a selfie as she quietly grabbed her phone and posted a picture on Instagram. One thing was clear: one of us loved our phone and the other had ADHD. Or both. It felt perfect. (Is soul mate one word or two?) I allowed her to take me home as if there was any doubt how the night would end. In the morning when we awoke instead of reaching for our phones to see what we may have missed the night before, we reached for each other. It’s as if the world had shifted and we saw in that instant what was real. Our work schedules didn’t grant us much face time though so we had to rely on our phones to keep us in touch. With lack of physical contact we slowly began disconnecting and eventually she was accusing me of never being serious. While I tried to be understanding of her feelings I was also trying to watch Dexter on my new Showtime phone app. Reading all those words became overwhelming yet neither of us seemed to remember we could use the call button on our phones and we fell into a web of miscommunication. There were times we were talking about two completely different topics and hadn’t realized it until we were in a battle of heated words. Autocorrect is not our friend, people. My humor got me nowhere as I tried to cheer her up with an eggplant emoji that sort of resembled a strap-on. Her words became shorter and shorter until there were no more words to read. This made me sad but instead of calling her to tell her that I decided to wait for her to call so that I could ignore her and then she would know I was hurting. It begs the ageold question: How do you ignore someone who’s already ignoring you? She wouldn’t respond to me but I knew she was alive because I could see all of her activity on social media. I found myself lost in the game-playing while hiding my true emotions. Although technology was meant to bring us all closer it has inevitably torn us apart. Getting to know someone is all about the little treasures of recognizing things one doesn’t even see within themselves; the way their mouth moves when they speak. The way they smirk when they’re holding back a smile. The way they relax when you act like you’re paying the check. What? I’m left wondering where we’d be now if I had told just her I was falling in love with the way her eyes lit up when she talked about her family. Or that I was becoming addicted to the sound of her laughter, so much that I would have worked hard to make sure she always had a reason to laugh. I’d love to go back to a time where people were so into the moment they forgot phones existed. I’m aware that if I want to find a girl who doesn’t text I’d have to date my Grandmother’s friends. And that’s fine for cuddling purposes but ultimately it would never work out as I’m not an early riser, nor do I enjoy soft foods. Perhaps it’s time to go back to what we first learned as children: say what you mean and mean what you say. And that will keep us from wondering, who’s her “babe” now?
So call me… Maybe?
