With the recent Supreme Court ruling against DOMA and more and more states across the U.S. making same-sex marriage legal, the traditional face of a wedding has given same-sex couples the opportunity to embrace—and tinker with— established tradition.
Whatever traditional or non-traditional elements you wish to choose to include in your ceremony are certainly up to each couple. But one thing is true….gay or straight, sometimes wedding planning isn’t that different after all!
So What’s Your Story?
Because it’s your day, and the way you met is unique. Why shouldn’t your wedding theme reflect that?
The Date
After the theme, most everything usually revolves around the date. Hotel dates can fill quickly depending on the time of year. Planning a Fall wedding? Maybe you love flowers like chrysanthemums and goldenrod, but you’ll pay extra for shipping spring or summer flowers. While Saturday’s have always been a traditional day to get married, more and more couples are marrying on Friday nights.
Location
A hotel ballroom? A banquet hall? A church? Tradition certainly plays a part. Hotels get points for convenience – with your family already booked there, the trip to the ceremony is easy! But when it comes to photos, the architecture of a church can make for some amazing shots. Then again, there’s parks, trains, greenhouse, ranches, wineries…
The Ceremony
How traditional do you want it? Typically the father of the bride gives his daughter away. Could a mother give her son away in a same-sex wedding? Could both fathers give both brides away? Will there be a name change? And who gets the first dance? This could be fun!
Invitations
Maybe certain relatives disapprove. So what? Disapproving relatives are old as the institution of marriage itself. The only question: How simple or elaborate will the invitations look? Take some time on this one. “This is a keepsake,” says Sara Hargreaves, proprietor of Scribe Fine Papers in Shadyside, which focuses on invitations. “Grandmas will keep them in their Bibles. Mothers might frame it. I’ve had brides ask me for the original engraving plate.”
Clothing
Why does the bride get an entrance? Because she’s the best-dressed person in the room! But what if there’s two brides in the wedding? Or no brides? Do the couple’s clothes complement or clash? This is a chance to embrace tradition…or play with it.
Legalities
The Supreme Court’s ruling against DOMA cleared the way, but issues remain. Some couples living in states that ban gay marriage (like Pennsylvania, sadly) opt to legally tie the knot elsewhere, before returning home to PA for a reception.
Who Officiates?
Of course, a judge will always make it legal. But how about something more sacred? The Universal Unitarians come to mind. Other denominations like the Episcopal Church and the Presbyterians at least offer blessings, and gay-friendly ministers could be a Google search away.
Find a Wedding Planner
You’ve planned out the details you want. Now – are they feasible? A wedding planner with a good contact list can tell you. Maybe they can even make it cheaper. But certainly, they can help if you want to keep the wedding limited to LGBT-friendly vendors. “There are times when you get bad vibes from certain vendors, and as a planner you just have to do what’s best for the client and move on,” said Rae Coleman of Enhanced Creativity. Her business partner, Eric Toal concurred. “The most important thing you must remember is that you are there to make the process of wedding planning feel effortless for the couple,” he said.
The Honeymoon
Whew! The hard work’s over!
